It’s August, so it’s time to work hard to get the preschool ready for four-year-olds, three-year-olds, and the new two-year-olds, almost two full classes this year. So many more children this year, we had to build on another classroom. We were setting up new equipment, emptying lots of boxes, and as I took a load out to the recycling, I noticed some activity in the church. There is a wedding this afternoon. I wanted to tell them that August 9 is a really good date to get married. Kim and I did so 33 years ago in 1980.
I know how you love one person for 33 years, and so does Kim. You start by remembering first of all that love is a verb. I can’t understand when a person tells another, “I don’t love you anymore,” and ends a marriage often destroying the family. Really? You decided to love that person, and now you’ve decided not to love them? Then you need to take responsibility for that decision. “I’m not happy.” Whose responsibility is that? When you put responsibility on someone else to make you happy, you will never be happy. Can someone do things that you don’t like? Certainly. But if it upsets you, you choose to be upset.
This is different than if somebody is abusing you. Abuse is not loving you, and you have a responsibility to extricate yourself from that situation even if you love that person. For your own sake, you must stop loving an abuser and remove yourself from them. Don’t hesitate to get a therapist to help you walk through this one. The abuser does not think they are abusing or blames the victim for what the victim made the abuser do. It’s just not healthy in any way.
But today I celebrated the life I share with this woman who has loved and continues to love me so well. They say that birthdays are good for you because the more you have, the longer you live. The same cannot be said for anniversaries and marriage. I’ve seen too many marriages that had anniversaries long after the couple had decided to stop loving each other. Instead, an anniversary gives you pause to ask, “Have I loved my mate well or is there more I should do?” Go ahead; answer the question.